Movement and Intention

I think I mentioned that I am back at doing my 8 minutes in the morning exercises. Although I won't do them every day – for example on days when I have aquacize I will allow myself the choice of whether to do dance party and 8 minutes or not. Sometimes I probably will, sometimes not.

The reason I mention it today is that today was hamstrings and quads. Hamstrings is a prone pelvic lift (but with your feet on a chair).

By the way I can't take credit for drawing this. I found a picture online then just did a bit of playing with picture effects to make it purple and looking like it was hand drawn.

So as I started them I could feel right away that my low back was feeling it. I know from having heard it many times at pilates classes that if you don't have intention with this – if you don't properly engage your glutes you will dump into your low back – and sure enough that is what I was doing.

I quickly adjusted my intention, engaging my rear end as I should have been from the beginning – and lo and behold what do you think happened??? That's right – it is no real surprise but the issue with my low back evaporated.

So here is my reminder to you and to myself – proper form and conscious intention in movement will help keep you safe in your activities so you are able to continue enjoying them for a long, long time!

Love Songs --> Self Lovin'

So a while ago I wrote about how a particular song by Dido was for me, at that moment seeming to be a song about freeing yourself. Not necessarily about the obvious story of meeting someone on vacation.

Tonight I am again immersed in my Dido song list and Chantal Kreviazuk song list and realizing that practically any "love song" if you look at it as the other person being yourself – they can be full of great advice on how to love yourself. I am kind of enjoying that thought process of how we can look to ourselves as the loves in these songs. Some really resonate for me that way – others well maybe not so much.

I will continue to work on this front - to accept and love myself the way I would if I was the star of a love song from me, to me. I have a way to go, but I feel closer to that goal than I remember being before. I know I have done a lot less negative self talk about the shape I have currently and the look of my body currently. It isn't that my acceptance and appreciation of how I look now means that I don't want to get fitter or healthier - just that I am feeling more okay in my skin as it is now so the fitness is more about the other things not just the look of it. 

But even on that front I still have a way to go - as I do still need to wrap my head around the idea of how to deal with someone else who might not be as accepting of me as I am now. As I think about re-entering the world of dating for the first time in a very long time that part of things dwells in my mind a bit. And that is when some of that acceptance crashes down and I wonder will I need to justify or explain or something. But then I think to heck with that - if all they see is my few extra pounds they aren't the right person for me. 

Even when I am fitter, the marks of my weight will still be with me so that too I will need to deal with. I know before when I lost my weight (notice that wording - I know my mindset then wasn't as good as it could be - and it is still hard to break those thought patterns that revolve around the scale). I think there was a part of me that hated my body more then in some ways, the excess skin and stretch marks. I know I wasn't in love with my body then because I even thought about whether surgical options might be a good idea. Yet I am adamantly opposed to taking that kind of risk on something purely cosmetic in nature. I am still working on that - because the idea continues to float through my mind occasionally. I admit it is mostly because of the overhanging bit on my belly that creates a sweaty uncomfortable area on my body. Probably because it is uncomfortable (and I admit I still can't quite come to peace with the appearance of it) it will continue to float in my mind to some degree. 

Wish me luck on quest : finding that self love and keeping that self love in place as I work my way to a fitter body.

On to the fitness front, and how I did a bit of self love through fitness this morning. It was morning dance party for a few songs. Then I thought it was a good idea to revisit the 8 minutes in the morning workouts I used to do. I like it because it is two exercises – strength exercises that shouldn't take much longer than 8 or 10 minutes to do the 4 sets of 12 of each of them. Although in my experience with it in the past is that there are a few where it is something that is one arm at a time or one leg at a time that take a little longer. But even those ones are probably only 15 minutes or so.

So, amidst the other things I am working on, I am going to try to keep up my 8 minutes in the morning exercises at least 3 times a week. It feels like a good mix with the other stuff I am hoping to keep going. None of it feels like "too much" right now. I think the blend and variety of things will keep it interesting enough to keep me engaged.

Deep Water Fitness

Deep water aquacize class was fantastic. Where has this been all my life? Why haven't I tried it before? The workout is surprisingly good, it had me feeling the burn in various muscle groups, and it even got me breathing heavy. LOL I can think of other things I would rather be breathing heavy over but I suspect that Jeffrey Dean Morgan isn't going to be in Saskatoon any time soon.

So the workout did highlight once again that my hamstrings are in a weird place. While they are pretty flexible – they are tight as heck, and I don't think they are very strong. So that is definitely something for me to think about.

The great bit is that I can do this a couple times a week at lunch. I had worried about doing a pool based class at lunch time. But it wasn't hard to keep my head out of the water – so I don't need to worry about having to wash my hair afterwards if I don't want to. Which also means I don't need to wear my skull crushing swim cap. Heck I could probably even be fine with wearing my makeup (eye makeup is all I really wear – but with a "runny" non-waterproof mascara). 

** On the RANT side of things – since I said sometimes I would rant on here **

I wish my city would get its act together with the transit system. If I didn't know better I would think someone responsible for planning route changes has been sitting there for the last few years and going – hmmmmm let's see, how can we make the bus service for czing just incrementally worse. Not bad enough that she gives up on the bus completely, but just a smidge worse. Of course the rational side of me doesn't believe that is the case – I am not nearly so important as that ;)

I NEED to Move it Move it

I have a serious issue. I am able to see it quite clearly right now, I need some kind of activity that will really spur me on. Get and keep me moving. Something that excites me, something I can really enjoy, enjoy in the way that it makes me want to make the effort to go out and do it.

The catch is that I am currently also putting myself on a rather tight budget  for now – so I know it won't be a return to the pilates studio. Although I do think that next year's flex spending will all go towards personal spending account so that if I want to get back to a bit of pilates studio stuff I can hopefully at least cover a few packs of classes with that PSA money.

In the meantime I really need to get myself going to the yoga classes. Either that or I need to start trying some of the other ones they offer at the PAC (since at least that isn't out of pocket money for me).

AND BOOM – Ask and you shall receive. I just checked the schedule and they have started the deep water aquacize class that I wanted to try out. I signed up for Wednesday (lunch time class so we will see how I like pool time in the middle of the day).

I also see that on Thursdays they have added a 7am yoga class. That sounds very appealing to me. It might be a bit of a challenge to get there on time for it. But I think I will have to give it a try. I really do enjoy starting my day with something – I find it so much easier to stick with than something that is later in the day. Although I do think the noon classes should be okay once I get into the swing of them.

The other class I might have to try out once or twice is the Zumba class. I think it just seems like it would be a lot of fun.

So, see that wasn't that hard actually. Glad I started to write this or else I might not have gone to look at the fitness centre calendar and then I wouldn't have noticed what was coming up and the opportunities I would have to try some new things I have been considering!

LOL I was going to put in a link for the video for "I like to move it move it" but I have opted for the one from Madagascar instead. Whichever one it is - I need something that helps me to remember that I do LIKE to move it move it.

Excellence and Not so much

Well I had this fantastic day for steps on Sunday - hit a new record at over 20K steps. Thanks in large part to hunting Pokemon with my nephew. It was good but I was definitely foot sore by the end of it.

Then we roll on to Monday (my lowest step count since I started back to tracking these things) followed by Tuesday which wasn't much better. I really need to make sure I get more sleep - that was the big problem those two days. Pair that with working at home and you have a recipe for SEDENTARY. And for me it is also a recipe for unhealthy food choices. Still working through the tired and the food choices. In the end I just need to pay the price for it - the price being that for the rest of the week I have a lot less flexibility for how many points I can eat in a day. So really, not that bad.

And now I am going to get myself ready for bed so I can try and catch up and get back into the routine.

Just about a month

I am now nearing the month mark of working on a change in my lifestyle. So I thought today would be a great day to do a video (see it below if I manage to get it to work).

But I also wanted to do a bit of a recap of how things are going.

Activity

This borrowed image is exactly how I feel.

• Morning Dance Party 12/22 days I have done it. 
• Walking 10K steps - 198523/210000 - 13 days I hit the mark, 8 I didn't.
• Yoga - Only got out to it 2 times since I started tracking. It is hard, I find every time my shoulder gives me some grief, each time we do triangle and my shoulder is on the edge of pain I want to retreat from it. But I will work through it, I know the downward dog etc we do there is good for it, it was part of my physio. I will just have to be very cognizant of shoulder position since the instructor has a big class and can't provide much correction.
• Standing - I have to add a column to my tracker, but I would say I hit the 2 hour mark 2/3 of the days I worked at the office.
• Sleep - this has been a very serious challenge and is a big part of the reason I haven't done as well as I would like on many of the other markers. It can be hard to motivate and spur myself on when I feel like I have barely slept or I wake up with a headache.

Eating

• Home cooked - doing fairly well on this, again I don't have a column for it, so I will need to add one. I have eaten meals out a bit more than I wanted to, I think this is where some prep work will come in handy. If I have lots of stuff prepared and frozen, or at least set up to be easy the appeal for getting food out will be smaller. 
• Fruit and Veg - I may have missed the odd tracking on this but about 8 days I hit the 5 servings mark, several others I was at 4, so still room for improvement here
• Water - usually this is one of my easiest things. BUT, this leads us back to sleep up above, and perhaps a too much information moment. I was getting up SO many times in the night to go to the bathroom that I scaled back my water intake in the hopes of getting a decent night's sleep
• Tracking - I have done it consistently although I did bundle an estimate a couple of times instead of details.

LOL and now I see that it is really only 3 weeks in. But I was looking at the start of September falling in this week and thinking it was a good time to do the recap. So here it is regardless of whether it is at the "month" mark or not.

Now for the video. Here is me doing some wall pushups because I know I would not be working with good and safe form if I tried them on the ground. I will always choose form first with any exercise. This is inspired by the people doing the 22 pushups for 22 days in support of first responders and veterans with PTSD. While I won't promise to do them every day, I like pushups as one of the video docs of my progress. Please try to ignore my clicking wrist (that is what I was trying to do).

Finding Yourself

So I keep playing the song "Sand in my Shoes" by Dido. I love this song. On the face of it, it seems it is about a woman who perhaps met someone while on holidays and is now home.

BUT, here is my take on this song. The interpretation I am feeling right now.

First the YOU, is ME. It is that me that is my best and happiest me. It is the me that is unafraid and open and everything else. It is the me that I unfortunately also regularly stifle. Why do I do that, why do I stifle that me? Fear is likely a part of it. Some ill conceived notion I have of who I should be, of the labels I and others have applied to me.

We start with the idea of "I don't have time" right at the start of the song. Guess I will have to start making time to grow that me, nurture her so she feels safe being out.

"I've still got sand in my shoes. And I can't shake the thought of you. I should get on, forget you. But why would I want to." I love this line so much - this idea of moving on because we should. How many things have I done in the name of should that in hindsight really were shouldn'ts.

"I know we said goodbye, anything else would have been confused but IIIIIIIII wanna see you again". Well let us hope it isn't too confused. That brighter me is still me, and I do, I wanna see that me again!

And then again maybe that you I want to see again is also some sandy beach somewhere that can provide the sand for my shoes. A beach where I can let that ME out to play. But I am not going to wait for that beach - today is as good a day as any to start opening the door for her.